He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
