So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Come share oat with me in your robe
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
