You can't special order awesome
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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