I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
