At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
