i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
