Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
