Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
