a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Houston, we have a squirter
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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