I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
