We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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