ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
