Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Randomize
