I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
