Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
