I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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