bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
