that's an acceptable place to lick
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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