Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
