Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
