I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Randomize
