i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
