my soul wont recognize me after tonight
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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