they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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