I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
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