i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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