I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
