??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
