dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
