i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
