What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
