why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
no, he came in my armpit
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
