You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I just found puke in my bra..
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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