Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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