Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
