I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
