lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
drinking out of a sandbucket again
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
