Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
You ate ashes out of my bong
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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