This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
