at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
