Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
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