i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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