That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
