Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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