and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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