I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Don't EVER smell your tampon
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
