Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
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