I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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