you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
i've created a new STD.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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