Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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